Time for some perspective. This past week was not a total failure as I may have intimated in my last post. I got some workouts in – 3 of them so far, in fact. That is not too shabby. I did 2 boot camp workouts and 1 run so far. I have to let go of the idea that I have to be perfect. There is no way I will be able to follow my training plan exactly. The key is to listen to my body and not my couch potato brain and strive for 90% of the training plan. This week my body said “Rest!”, so I did. But then, I do a lot of resting, so sometimes I have to ignore that little voice and workout.
There are times when I am utterly indecisive. It happens quite a bit actually, and I know it drives Bobby nuts. But there are other times, though few and far between they may be, when I am absolutely certain what to do. Usually what happens is that I will wake up in the morning and know what I need to do to resolve a nagging issue. What I’m saying is that it is possible for me to find clarity (sometimes. I think. I could be wrong. Just kidding…sort of). My point is that some people just fall in love with running, taking off and never looking back. That’s not me. It’s always been a struggle. I’m not passionate about it. I have never had that moment of clarity about the decision to do that race series. Therefore I don’t think I am fully committed to it.
So all week long I found myself looking for excuses (and I found them aplenty). I thought that maybe I’d really get into yoga instead. Or pilates. Or why not just walk? Or run/walk? Running is hard (in my best whiney voice). Waaahhh!
Ok. Can the pity party be over now? Yes running is hard. That’s why a lot of people don’t do it. It is important to me to break through this mental barrier I have. Yes running is going to continue to be hard for a while, but the more I run, the easier it will become. Right?? My mantra on the treadmill these past weeks has been “soon this will be your warmup”, and I realllly want to believe that. My point is that even though yoga and pilates are great and I enjoy them, I want to run.
I have to find that balance between working to mental exhaustion and wanting to plop on my couch with a large glass of wine, to recharging my batteries with a good, sweaty workout after school. Honestly, the benefits so outweigh any lame excuse I can come up with. Even last week when I felt exhausted to my marrow, fall-asleep-on-my-feet tired I could have at least walked. Even if I couldn’t get my head together enough to put one foot in front of the other a little faster I could still move. And I did. And I gave in too. Let’s chalk it up to a learning experience. In the grand scheme of things, it was still a good week. I mean, I’ve had months of sloth-like inactivity, so even this is a vast improvement.
Last night we went out to a nice dinner with our besties. We ate well, drank a lot, and had a really good time. This morning I was up early (thanks dogs, damn you both to hell), and I got my workout clothes on and exercised. Yes I had a headache, but it was fully self-induced. And I powered through it. And you know what? I felt way better after that workout than I would have if I parked myself on the couch all morning with an alka-seltzer. So a pat on the back for me.
I’m not giving up. I will figure this out. Any help is greatly appreciated because I don’t think I can do this on my own.
Searching for clarity in a muddled mind,